Sunday, August 28, 2011

Girls that like girls...

Okay, don't get excited...this is not a post to satisfy your fantasies - boys, so look away if that is what you are expecting.

I wondered why it is so difficult for women to get along with other women. I mean, men have their,
bros before hoes mantra
men can hang with their boys and absolutely love it but why do women always have drama?

I fell in love with Sex and the City and for a while Girlfriends was a fun show to watch...these shows proved that women can be best friends for real but unfortunately, it is not the case in real life.

Being a woman of a certain age and single, I've wanted to get a set of female friends together so we can hang out and share common interests.

The first frenemy, found a way to end our friendship over a trip because she was selfish and thought I wouldn't pay my end; she ended up looking foolish cause she did not have anyone to hang with and all my friends were there.

The second faux friend, who literally cried in my ear everyday about how much she wanted to get married, took off with the first guy that showed her the tiniest bit of attention...can't wait to hear how that story ends.

And now, this third back-stabber takes the cake. She just got off a bad break-up, which incidentally, I did too. However, she was taking hers really hard...I'm there to call him all the names in the book and help her understand that he was not the one. She loves to go out every night, I would say I'm somewhat conservative but I love a good time. She invites me out, maybe for lunch or we go get our nails done then she wants to hit the next night spot. Mind you, I'm looking crazy as fuck, while she is appropriately dressed and she says let's go. I go, because I believe the outing might cheer her up. She believes she is an experienced party girl and I am a beginner. Too funny...

Every time we've gone out, she thinks she looks better, because she is much smaller than me, plus I don't try...I told you guys, I am self-actualized, self assured!

Fast forward to a couple of days ago, I wanted some peach cobbler from some cafe we had visited once before when I looked and felt like a stuffed turkey but that's a whole 'nother story. I told her I had a hankering for it and she was up for it.

This time, I got dressed, put on some make up, no stuffed turkey tonight, biatch and off we went. She has a specific type of guy she likes, I didn't realize that this one guy (her spec) had been scoping me out all night, however, this other guy had been glued to me the entire time. When her spec couldn't take it any longer, he walks over to us and asks for my number, I ignore him because clearly I was sitting with a gentleman who just bought us drinks and that would have been rude. So he gives her his number, I guess she thought it was meant for her, she asks him if he wants her to call him but he says, no, I want you to give her my number so she can call me.

She went bananas, yelling at me, saying don't you ever, I am not your servant...bla bla bla, don't you have your phone, it was crazy, then she proceeded to give him my number.

It was the oddest thing! I had no intention of giving out my number to anyone, it was an evening out to eat, laugh out loud, flirt a little but go home without any attachments.

For someone who is always on about being a wingman, that was a poor showing on her part. Oh, well another one bites the dust!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Online Dating...The Crypt Keeper

I know it sounds awful but this dude ...

Well, let me start from the very beginning...I want you to know that I am an equal opportunity dater...what do you mean, dear Lols, you say? Well, I mean I do not discriminate. I don't care about Race, creed, age whatever!! I'm all about your brain and how much mental stimulation I get from being around you.

So this dude was the next guy to chat me up online, almost at the same time as the Chef; his profile read like an ad, so I googled him. I found some other website he had previously been on with the same photos from four years back. I asked him about that and his explanation seemed somewhat logical so I kept communicating with him. We decided to take the conversation from the computer to the phone and every time we spoke, he sounded very professional, that should have been my second clue. My first clue should have been his age but I just told you, I'm an equal opportunity dater.

He finally got the courage to ask for a meet; I accepted and we planned to meet at a local coffee shop. Let me tell you that this guy was always very polite, always very respectful, I was really taking a liking to him and could not wait to meet him.

On the day we were to meet, I had a date with the Chef too, one of the dates that he cancelled on, I was actually cool with him cancelling cause I wondered how I could blow-off TCK if I ended up having a really good time with the Chef but thanks to his royal flakiness, I didn't have to.

So time to meet up, I got there and he looked much older than his photos but not too too bad to where he needed a good telling off. We sat down at a table for two and that's where it all came crashing down...cue the jeopardy countdown music, crickets, any thing that conjures up awkward silent moments; I tell you, I believe I did that nodding-off-quick-wake-up thing many times...It was an epic disaster.

I looked at my bare wrist and wished I had a watch sitting on it, so I could say, oh look, is that the time, I really need to get going? In the end, I couldn't take the boredom anymore, after twenty minutes of talking about how I loved treesI really am fascinated by them but this guy was not giving me anything to work with, I told him I had some work to finish up and needed to leave.

He walked me to my car, I stretched out my hand for a shake, he ignored and hugged me, that was uber weird; I said good night and took off to the land of the living.

Strike two!